I know, you never intended to be in this world.
But you’re in it all the same.
so why not get started immediately.
I mean, belonging to it.
There is so much to admire, to weep over.
And to write music or poems about ….
Do you need a prod?
Do you need a little darkness to get you going?
-- Mary Oliver
Yes—I have needed more than a little darkness to get me going
Yes—I confess—I have accumulated baggage
Can you relate?
I’m 50—and I’m in the middle of what I’m calling the ‘midlife reckoning’—reckoning with all of the baggage that I’ve accumulated—as in the image below, shadows have emerged from the depths of the stored baggage—and this mission of healing has become a process of learning how to deal with them
Acknowledgment of Baggage
We carry our histories within us, the weight of past experiences often a silent companion through our journeys—in acknowledging the existence of this baggage, we take the first step towards healing—it's like turning on a light in a room long left darkened, confronting the clutter we've amassed—in my case, it’s having sat with that clutter for many years, exhausted by the chaos and disorganization of it
And what does each bit of this clutter represent? Each bit has an interesting, and often overlooked, bypassed, repressed or buried story(s) within it
With each piece of baggage processed, we pave the way for empathy—because when we see our own, we recognize and understand the burdens others carry—this communal realization can be a profound relief, a shared burden often feeling lighter
Or, on the other, we can choose to pretend that we don’t have any baggage, or to continue to bypass it, in the myriad of ways that we can—and, as I’m sure can relate to, that shit will catch up with you—depression, shadows with greater power, and all the rest
Darkness as a Catalyst
Mary Oliver's whisper of needing darkness resonates deeply within my soul—it is often in our darkest moments that we find the impetus to seek light—darkness does not just signify despair but can be the birthplace of creativity, introspection, and profound change—it can force us to pause, to re-evaluate the path we're on, and to ignite the latent sparks within us—like the richest soil, darkness can nourish growth, bringing forth life and beauty from the depths of our challenges
Composted baggage makes the flowers grow
The Healing Process
Healing is an art, a process that is both painful and beautiful, requiring patience and resilience—it is not merely about discarding the weight we've carried, but understanding its contours and learning from its presence—through healing, we can transform pain into wisdom, and scars into stories—this process can involve therapeutic conversations, artistic expression, or silent reflection—each act of healing a brushstroke in the masterpiece of our lives—living life, and consciousness itself, as art
Book recommendation: The Creative Act—a way of being, Rick Rubin
Midlife pivot
Midlife arrives like a season change, subtle yet profound, an intermission in the opera of life where we review the first acts and prepare for those to come—the second mountain, as I’m calling it
It’s an opportunity disguised as a crisis, a moment to take stock of what we've accumulated — materially, emotionally, spiritually — and to decide what serves us and what does not — this reckoning a pivot — a chance to recalibrate our life’s compass and set sail toward waters that reflect our truest selves
Community and Support
The journey of healing is a path we need not walk alone
The company of others—be it friends who provide solace, family who offer comfort, or strangers who share our struggles—can make the road less difficult
Support networks, whether found in the physical embrace of a loved one or through the virtual connections of an online community, are lifelines—they remind us that our struggles are universal, and in sharing them, we find strength and solace
Currently, I have a friend helping me to reorganize my internal world, another helping me to reorganize my external world, and a partner who is supporting me in my healing journey—I consider myself very lucky to have this support—and I know that I cannot possibly traverse it alone
Actionable steps
To those standing at the crossroads of healing, consider these actionable steps:
1—journaling can be a release valve for the pressures within, the pen a tool to siphon off the pain
2—creative endeavors can rebuild the broken parts of our psyche, the act of creation itself a healing balm
3—physical activity can ground us in the present, each breath a reminder that we are alive and capable of change
4—connecting with nature can provide perspective, the rhythms of the earth a soothing reminder of life’s continuance
Invitation for sharing
As I lay bare my own process of unpacking and healing, I invite you to share your narrative—each story of struggle and triumph is a thread in the larger tapestry of human experience—by sharing, we offer up our own lessons and in return, gain wisdom from the paths others have travelled—our voices are invaluable to this collective journey
Perhaps, it can start here on Substack—but I have a dream of creating a community of ‘self-healers’ who can share their journeys within a big, resourced community, so that we may all grow and heal together …. separately and together
Does anyone else have this dream?
Might you care to share your own healing journey?